Vulnerability? Who Dat?
Was my response to my best friend attempting to reason with me using her wisdom. Everyone knows Vulnerability = weakness. And weak I ain’t. Stubborn yes. Been know to have a emotional breakdown yes. Vulnerable people get hurt, and that’s too familiar.
I had a hard enough time getting over my childhood trauma, then once I got thru that I made fresh new mistakes all on my own. But don’t we all.
Then it’s time to get hurt by others, and hurt other friends in the process. It’s a real battle field, memories are all around like land mines. And I never wanted to be in the war to begin with.
What happened to my peace and freedom after counseling or more releasing of all the bad emotions I’ve hoarded all these years. Hmm, well, that was fun for a minute…. whoa, wait a sec. I guess I have to be working at this all the time. I miss coworkers asking me about my joy, or what’s with this light I have around me all the time.
Jesus is the same. Is it me who has changed? During this moment of panic I realized I fear Embarrassment over Failure. I could lose my job tomorrow, or fail a class I’ve worked hard on and it not effect me the way someone laughs at me. I see that as I have less value. I’m not good enough to be your friend or even be around you.
I watched Brene’ Brown on a TED Talk on YouTube, The Power of Vulnerability . It blew me way. With out it, vulnerability, true faith doesn’t exist; it just can’t. And it doesn’t equal Weakness. Brene’ hit a sore spot when she mentioned “we don’t get excited about something so we are not disappointed when that thing doesn’t happen” and I’m paraphraseing here. I started doing that around 9 or 10 maybe younger, if my birth mom made a bribe with me about something I wanted I stopped getting excited so there’d be a possibility of it happening.
**exhale** still got a
Lot of work to do… I’m ready… lets go..